I'm starting to come back out of the pit that was my 6th chemo treatment. This particular "cocktail" seems to really be good at kicking my butt. It's understandable, as a friend said today, "They ARE poisoning you." On the upside, I'm 75% done with chemo, only 2 more treatments to go! Woot!!
Not to sound pompous, but during this treatment I've thought a lot about bravery. A few weeks ago at the grocery store a friend stopped me and said I was "her hero" for the way I've fought cancer. I thanked her, but said "You'd do the same thing." And I think for most people, that's true. You fight, stay as strong as you can, but also start to feel very guilty when your strength wanes and vulnerability sets in. I know the guilt weighs on me terribly sometimes. When I'm at my lowest strength-wise is when I hit my lowest on an emotional level.
I don't think there's anything particularly brave about the way I've handled this. In fact, I think I'm kind of a whiner.
Boo hoo...I feel sore today. But I'm not in a coma.
Sniff...I couldn't keep food down. But I'm still here.
There are people all over the world going through much worse than I am. I hate to even think about it like that, like bargaining with God. "That sucks for them. Please don't give me that!" But that's what it is. I accept what I'm going through. I don't ask why. I thank God every night for the gift of another day, even if it's not a particularly good day. Today I was up and around, pretty good day.
No comments:
Post a Comment