Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The Brave Whiner

I'm starting to come back out of the pit that was my 6th chemo treatment. This particular "cocktail" seems to really be good at kicking my butt. It's understandable, as a friend said today, "They ARE poisoning you." On the upside, I'm 75% done with chemo, only 2 more treatments to go! Woot!!

Not to sound pompous, but during this treatment I've thought a lot about bravery. A few weeks ago at the grocery store a friend stopped me and said I was "her hero" for the way I've fought cancer. I thanked her, but said "You'd do the same thing." And I think for most people, that's true. You fight, stay as strong as you can, but also start to feel very guilty when your strength wanes and vulnerability sets in. I know the guilt weighs on me terribly sometimes. When I'm at my lowest strength-wise is when I hit my lowest on an emotional level.

I don't think there's anything particularly brave about the way I've handled this. In fact, I think I'm kind of a whiner.

Boo hoo...I feel sore today. But I'm not in a coma.

Sniff...I couldn't keep food down. But I'm still here.

There are people all over the world going through much worse than I am. I hate to even think about it like that, like bargaining with God. "That sucks for them. Please don't give me that!" But that's what it is. I accept what I'm going through. I don't ask why. I thank God every night for the gift of another day, even if it's not a particularly good day. Today I was up and around, pretty good day.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Blogging...it's harder than it looks

Hello! Remember me? I didn't think so. I'm the girl who said she was going to update her blog often. Turns out, having a blog is harder than you think.

My goal was to update everyone on the progress of my fight against breast cancer (I'm winning, BTW!). With that goal in mind, whenever I thought to post something, I felt like I was whining about cancer, and that is NOT what I wanted to do. So I've decided to make this a blog about my life in general, with a dash of cancer stuff.

On the cancer front, counts are good & chemo sucks, but hasn't been as bad as I was anticipating. My doctor, who is awesome, changed my cocktail and I started a new treatment on June 29th. I felt good for 2 days then it kicked my ass. Seriously - felt like I had been hit by a truck and had to call in reinforcements - Mom & Dad. They were lifesavers! They watched my kids for 2 days, washed my dishes & did my laundry. I couldn't walk 20 ft. without getting winded and breaking out into a sweat. I was bad about taking my anti-nausea pills though, because I was good for 2 days - so......BAD MARJIE! I won't make that mistake again! The July 4th holiday was kind of a bummer since I didn't feel good, then Bob came to the rescue with 3 bags of fireworks for he & the kids. They did a great job of almost setting the neighbor's house on fire!

So, on to life stuff...I spent a great weekend playing golf with friends in Conway Springs. Bob and I played in the 2nd Annual Dilly's Place benefit tournament. It is a FUN event, hosted by some AWESOME people! The point of this is not to brag about my golf game...I sunk an 18 ft. putt on #8, then out-drove all the guys on #3..., but to tell you about Dilly's Place.

Dilly's Place is an organization that has one goal in mind...building a playground in Conway Springs that is accessible for kids of ALL-ABILITIES! The idea for this playground grew from a need for the disabled community to have a playground - because EVERY kid deserves to be a kid. The two ladies that spearhead this organization have a child/grandchild who is autistic and recognized this need first-hand. The need is great and the need for funds is even greater. Anyone who has put in a backyard playground knows they don't come cheap. Imagine trying to build and pay for a playground for an entire community.

If you are interested in helping to make this dream a reality, I encourage you to go to the Dilly's Place facebook page, find their address on the information section and send them a donation! If you are in the Conway Springs/Wichita area, give them a shout and ask how you can help.

To me, the best thing about this playground is that it will be designed to be non-exclusive, children of all abilities, big & small will have an area to play.

And that's all any of us want, an area to play. Right?