I don't think I truly understood the phrase "tears of joy" until this morning. While in the shower (of all places...) it really hit me that chemo is almost done. Like...REALLY hit me.
The whole summer came flooding back at once - the days hooked up to my drugs, visits with Dr. Johnson, countless needle sticks, seemingly endless stretches in bed, nausea, the horrible taste of food, piles of hair in my bed & the shower drain. All of that flashed in an instant.
What really permeated my memory was the kindness of strangers, the love of my family & friends, the words of encouragement, cards, flowers, help with everyday chores, the amazing ability of my kids to completely roll with the punches. These are the memories that will stick with me forever.
I know that I will never understand why cancer picked me. Not sure that I want to. But because of my diagnosis, I know these things: I am stronger than I ever thought I could be, my capacity for love and compassion has grown exponentially, and "Every day is a Holy day."
I put that last one in quotes because that simple phrase has become my mantra. I end each day with thanks to God for letting me have another day with my kids, another day to fight this cancer, another day to laugh, even another day to cry. Another day to say "I'm here, and I'm gonna LIVE!"